My Shackled Soul….{Beep}….

Written by Nimisha Narayan

Beep. Beep. Beep.

There was a constant beeping in the background. He opened his eyes. There was a quick flutter after which his eyes shut. He tried again, but in vain.  There was a constant humming in his head and his whole body hurt like crazy.

He knew he was lying down and he knew there was something wrong, but he had no idea what it was. He didn’t even know where he was. If he was at home and everything was okay, why wasn’t he able to get up? Another attempt made him realize that trying was going to be completely useless.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

What is that constant beeping in the background? He tried to open his mouth and actually ask that question instead of just think. Once again, there was no point of trying to speak. Was he still in a dream? How could everything else feel so real then? He could hear people slowly murmuring in the background. Help! Help! He wanted to scream. What do I remember last? I remember that I was on my way to work and then I don’t remember a thing.


The frequency increased. More hurried murmuring. What was happening?

Suddenly, he felt as if his chest had split open. He felt so much pain that mentally, he had shattered glasses with his screaming. Physically, nothing. He saw only darkness and all he wanted to do was get lost in that darkness and wake up recalling this as a really bad dream. He wished he could just sleep, get rid of the pain, get rid of the incapacitation he was in.  He felt something else inside him, like his body parts were being moved. All he could do was cry in his mind and try to let it physically come out of his mouth as well.  He could feel movement around him like people were standing over and watching him in this state. Had somebody stabbed him? That would explain the pain in the chest and the hurried murmuring. But what about that beep? Just as he said it, it came again-

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.


The steadfast beeping didn’t make it better. He felt something inside him like he was finally getting ready to let go and walk away from the pain and the inexplicable paralysis. Despite all the pain and the shock he was in, he decided that he would stop trying to fight this thing back now. All he wanted to do was let go. If he woke up the next day, he would be grateful. If he didn’t, he would at least be out of this horrible pain.  He was ready to let go. He smiled in his mind and wished whoever was standing near him could see it on his face. In the background, the beeping almost came to a stop.


Right before he was about to drift away, a splitting pain shot across his chest. He felt his whole body shriek and then go back to the paralysed state it was in. What just happened? Before he could even think, it came again. A pain originated in his chest and went all the way to his brain, which was the only part of his body that seemed to be working. It came again, three times. He felt like his whole body was on fire, like he was in a tub and a plugged in toaster had fallen into it. He wanted to cry. He wanted actual tears to stream down his face so his assailants would understand something and just stop doing whatever they were doing to him. He wanted to kick and punch and scream, altogether. No matter how much he tried to get up and physically fight back, all he could come up with was strained muffles in his head. He tried to open his eyes again and failed again.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

That was it, he decided to let go. Whatever will be will be, he thought, as he forced his brain to shut down and finally slip into a peaceful state of nothingness. He could feel himself drift and he imagined himself walking away from his body, lying somewhere in some state. The beeping now became one loud constant beep.


His case file read “Wrong dosage of anaesthesia and a procedure gone completely wrong” 

About the author

Nimisha Narayan

I’m a law student, waiting to graduate from Symbiosis Law School, Noida in 2018. I’m a happy person and love all things bright, beautiful, crazy and different. I believe in positivity and I believe in self expression. Writing is one of the simplest ways to let out your feelings, without being judged, pressured or discouraged. The outside world is a difficult place, but writing & reading, give me a little more strength to deal with life, every single day!

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