Begin Again

Written by Fatima Khan

We are all well acquainted with the philosophy of how new year marks new beginnings,new challenges to stead through, new endeavours to embark on and well ,a new you. But seriously, how many of us have even ever tried practically applying this theory into our lives?

I went through some of my older(and significantly embarrassing) posts on Facebook. One of them marked as ‘Dec 31,2009’ goes something like this; “My new year resolution is to be a NICER PERSON,a SWEETER friend,a BETTER HUMAN BEING,a FRIENDLY­ER student,n d BESTEST daughter everrrrr..!!”

Yes, as horrifying as it maybe,It said ‘friendly – ­er’. A few minutes after feeling completely mortified by this blast from the past and being confronted with a few other upsy – ­daisy and ‘inspirational’ statuses by 12 year old me ,I begin to wonder if I ever brought any of that to practice. And what is it that stops me from thinking that way today?

For a while now,I’ve stopped thinking about the future,just a complete halt to the process of worrying about what’s going to come next. Not that I don’t get worked up or am ignorant towards the dark possibilities that life may confront one with. Neither am I completely assured of well, anything in life.But quite ironically,it’s just the opposite that keeps me from dwelling in the unknown. Just the belief that I can’t fight destiny,that what’s meant to be will happen eventually even if the whole world puts on a fight against it and what’s not destined to be,won’t, even if I line up a myriad of kung­-fu fighters as my army.

But I was always aware of this,aren’t we all? Deep,deep down?

But something significantly changed over the year. And I know people expect it to be this one huge,tumultuous incident that changes everything,a sudden storm that brings your world tumbling down and compels you to face the stark reality. Sometimes,you may not need any of that to change the kaleidoscope you view the world from. Not a fanfare,not some ‘epiphanic’ jargon,not an inspiring quote but just those quiet,mild and mostly inconspicuous things that may not show a glorifying change,but an unannounced transformation of the heart,the soul,the very core of the being.

Like every other new year,this one too came with a promise to spam my Whatsapp and Facebook inbox and news feed respectively,with overly rapturous new year wishes.As much as I love that feeling of excitement for a festival or any occasion as such,’new year’ I’ve come to acknowledge, is highly overrated.This whole bandwagon of ‘new year ­new me’,more often than not is a lie,and other times a mere illusion, is for lack of a better word, annoying.

I always thought,why do you need a new calendar to remind you that it’s time to mend your ways,change your lifestyle,quit smoking,drink less,listen more to your parents,study harder etc. But then,for many a people,many a times,this bandwagon is just what they need to better themselves,and fair enough. I don’t know if I will do one thing right this year,but what I do know is that i will lose my cool when I’m not supposed to,I know i’ll see myself at the center of a predicament which I could have easily avoided,I know i’ll be late in one of those 50 meetings I am required to attend(who am I kidding,if only the odds were that much in my favor) but alas,I’ll try. I’ll still try.

Though in all honesty,as strange as it might be,these practical and seemingly easy goals are way tougher for me to achieve.How about burying the hatchet with an old rival,letting go of past grudges,forgiving without the ostentatious display of being the bigger person,smiling more everyday. These seem way more attainable goals to me.Guess the 12 year old ,gullible optimist hasn’t died in me,yet.

But is that really such a bad thing?And yes,speaking of gullible,let me keep my side of the bargain and wish everyone a Happy New Year. This new year, begin again.

About the author

Fatima Khan

Fatima Khan is a pursuing English Honors from University of Delhi. She is an expressive and rapturous person. She hopes to become a Journalist in the near future, but leaves rest to fate.
Catch her at [email protected]

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