Hearty Affairs

The inevitable stages of a- BREAK-UP!

Written by Guncha Khanna

Love is a beautiful feeling. However, break-ups are ugly. Plain and simple, they are really, devastatingly, gruesomely – ugly. Whenever you sign up for a relationship and make up your mind that you are going to last a long time and then one fine day when everything comes to an end, it can be really difficult to cope with. No matter how strong you are, or how practical you are, it will hurt. And it hurts like crazy. However, time does heal everything and you start moving on, things become better but the fact remains- no one replaces that special person, you may, however, learn to live your life without them, sometimes- a better life.

Like Meredith Grey puts it- “The carousel never stops turning, you just can’t get off”.

So here are the various stages that almost every person indefinitely goes through before or during a breakup!

1.REALIZATION followed by DENIAL.

Quite a lot of relationships come to an end eventually, without actually having to say the words- “I want a breakup.” If one takes a hard and strong look at their relationship, it does not take much time for them to notice the changes that  have gradually taken over their once healthy and staunch relationship. Either in their partner’s behavior or how they handle certain situations or for that matter the changes in the subject concerned, himself. The efforts, the gifts, the long texts, so on and so forth, seem to vanish.
This is when you go into a denial mode and try to ignore all the negative things happening around you. This is when you actually prove that love is blind, unintentionally

2. DISSENT

In this second stage, you turn up the denial mode a notch too much.  You don’t want to accept how hopelessly the situation has gone out of your hands and every other picture that either has quotes related to love or loyalty, or anything that reminds you of him/her,  makes you want to continue the deranged relationship, no matter what. The end of this stage usually is a break up unless some miracle takes place.

     

3.NEGOTIATION.

Here you start bargaining. If you are the one being dumped, you will actually try to negotiate with the other person and try changing yourself according to their choices interests, and comfort. Self-respect and ego definitely go out of the window. You would want to be someone you are not. But eventually, you will give up. Because no matter what, you are going to be you at the end of the day and you will get tired of pretending to be someone you’re now. The garb will fall

4.WORTHLESSNESS.

After you are tired of bargaining, you are most likely to develop a low self-esteem. Simply because it feels like you aren’t good enough for them and that is why they are ready to dump you. All your self-confidence goes down the drain, for a while, which is pretty normal. If you’re lucky, this period won’t last too long.

   

All these four stages are  going to involve crying. A hell lot of crying.
However, things do get better from now onwards.

5.ACCEPTANCE followed by RAGE

Then comes, anger. This is when you finally accept that they are no more going to be there in your life and this is how it is going to be. After all the efforts that you have put in, and their failure, you will be mad your partner, or ex-partner. It does not matter if you are the one who is dumping someone or you are getting dumped, at some stage you will be mad at someone or something. The memories, even the good ones will eventually turn bitter. And the worst part is having to repeat the whole story to 10 different people, every single day.


6.DESIRE OF ISOLATION.

After all that drama in your life, you want to be alone. Think about the things you have ignored for so long because you were busy being in love with your special someone. Your friends are definitely going to try to make you feel better, they will take you to parties, movies, will call you more often, but the only thing you would want is some alone time only because it’s all fun for a while but everywhere you go, anything you eat, is going to remind you of the times you had spent with ‘the one’.

       

7.‘LOVE IS SHIT’ PHASE

Now that your dream bubble does not exist anymore and you have seen the ugly side of this beautiful thing called  ‘commitment’, you will start hating love, or anything related to love simply because you have had too much of it already in the recent past. Deleting photos, messages, un-following them on social media and every other manifestation of resentment, is a part of this phase. For some, it lasts only for a few months, and for some it never seems to end.

                

8.FINALLY SOME PEACE.

So, having done everything possible, eating all your favorite dishes, gaining several pounds, going out almost every day to imposing house arrest on yourself, catching up with old friends, to putting up silly statuses about love and how you’re “so done with that shit”, to getting a hair makeover, to making new friends, you finally seem to be at peace with yourself. The crying is going to stop. Things will hurt less. You will not think of him/her that often. And finally, you will start moving on, which is going to be the best part. Here you start focusing on the positive aspects and think of better things in life.
      

A break up is always tough, inevitably. But there is one thing that we really need to understand and that is that people come and go, we make memories, some are good, some are not, however, life is always going to go on.  There will be certain disturbances because of the absence of certain people, however, we get used to it in no time. New people enter our lives, we discover new things about ourselves, and at the end of the day life is beautiful and so is love. Never be afraid to fall in love, again!


break 2

Because jo hota hai ache ke liye hota hai!

 

About the author

Guncha Khanna

Currently studying English literature at KMC,University of Delhi. Reading, writing and painting give me immense pleasure. And I hope to make people think, laugh and enjoy with my writing skills. Happy reading!

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