“My life has been one great big joke,
A dance that’s walked,
A song that’s spoke,
I laugh so hard I almost choke,
When I think about myself.”
– Maya Angelou
As I pick up my pen to write this article and look down my timeline, I experience a series of emotions revisiting my life- changing incidents. A lot of people keep their feelings to themselves because they’re tired of pouring their hearts out to the wrong person. Therefore, according to me, putting down all your spirits on a sheet of paper resolves the problem. I was an ambivert, but there occurred such episodes that made me an introvert for life.
During adolescence, friends become the highlight of a person’s life. With friends, life seems like a roller coaster ride. And when sentiments like jealousy enter a relationship, it ruins everything. It is said that when a person achieves success and gradually reaches the top, it is only then that one gets an opportunity to analyze who is a true friend. When at school, my hard work helped me touch the sky; I’d find people clinging on to me only for the sake of advantages that my company got them. That was when I finally woke up and smelled the coffee. Breaking away all the threads that attached me to hypocrites, I stood proud of my decision yet I stood alone. Those two years I rested in the company of a single person who I loved to call my only friend in school. However, one fine day even she decided to talk behind my back and join the others’ club. In school, we were told that humans have one face, two hands, two legs, two eyes and two ears, but they were wrong about the face. Although I hate to re-enter those moments but I am thankful to all of them for helping me understand who not to talk to in life. Napoleon once said – “The world suffers a lot, not because of the violence of bad people but because of the silence of good people.” Nonetheless, I forgave everyone, not because they deserved forgiveness, but because I deserved peace.
From the social person that I was, I ended up curling back into my safe and secure cocoon. I became a soul who was reclusive and fearful of facing the world and of facing any more rejections. This fear became so overwhelming that my family and relatives were able to sense my uneasiness.
Performance at school deteriorated, grades dropped, friends went away, teachers became anxious and I became secluded. Before every exam, I had to fight the examination anxiety, henceforth even if I knew the entire syllabus, I ended up scoring low. I stopped going out with friends and felt like remaining somewhere near my parents all the time. I got a feeling that there is someone out there trying to grab my foot and take me away from the world, in the dark. Days passed and the fear got submissive. Then I saw the light, a new ray of hope in the form of my admission in college. That fear of moving away from everyone grew even stronger as I decided to part ways from my family and move to the hostel. Things got difficult and it once so happened that I ran away from the hostel. Nevertheless, I came back and decided to make a fresh start. I said to myself that I have spent past two years scared and frightened of things that could happen, might happen, and might not happen. I used to wake up at 3 in the morning, especially a night before an exam, and used to cry, thinking about the consequences of giving a bad performance. But ever since I’ve undergone introspection, sound sleep has returned to me. I have now realized that it’s the fear that is the real enemy. I thought that it’s high time for me to stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive about what could go right. I am a changed individual now. There were times when I used to walk in a room full of people and wonder if they like me. Now I walk into a room full of people and wonder if I like them. That fear does return sometimes, but in miniature. I am trying and shall do that till it goes away completely.
I started to put my focus on other things that amuse me so that I don’t think about the anxiety again. I went back to reading. Books truly are our best friends; with them we enter into a different world altogether. I went into the realm of self-help, fiction, and thrill. I could relate to the motivational writings of self-help books instantly. Not just this, I recognized that I could summarize my entire life by way of a string of quotes. It amuses me when I read some random quote or saying on a website or in a book and it reminds me of my personal incidents. At times, these quotations have certain hidden connotations which teach us a lot about life. It is incredible how someone can say so much in so little words.
Eighteen years of my life have taught me more than anybody else can; experience truly is the best teacher. There have been years that left absolutely no imprints on the carpet of my memory while there have been some that taught me lessons for life. Although I giggle at every petty thing, have inside jokes with myself that leave me in splits and act like a kid, nonetheless the most prominent instances that occurred in my life matured me in a way that nothing else could. Not the passing years but the experience ripened me step by step. False friends taught me to not be like them; failures taught me to never get depressed because they’re just unfinished success; and fear taught me to have big, scary dreams. Life would’ve been perfect if we had its remote control in our hands, but things don’t work the way we want them to, we have to make them work. All we need to remember is that we all are stories in the end and we just need to make it a good one.