Hearty Affairs

I don’t trust myself with loving you!

Written by Ishaan Sengupta

It is funny how a person who writes a song for his selfish reasons, finds the song being adopted by people all around the world for quenching their own thirst.


I consider myself to be a common man, with common needs and common wants. I desire a peaceful life, a decent living and a caring partner. What Iv’e learnt in my 20 years here, on this earth, is that nothing comes into your possession if you just crib about it. Iv’e tried all that had to be tried. I felt some things could give me a release from my frustration, but nothing did provide me with a perfect solution. Drugs, Women and all the other worldly pleasures could provide me with nothing more than temporary satisfaction.

There would be a few who would denounce me, and there were few who constantly told me to mend my ways.


There she is. I know her for more than a year now. Both of us came to study in this new city and we met in one of the most weird circumstances. We know each other like we know ourselves. We often meet once a week and share our tales of the past week. Is this what keeps me going? Is this why I like spending time with her ?

If anything were to happen to her, I’d try my best to come to her aid.

I’m well equipped of the fact that this isn’t the time for a commitment. What’s wrong with being just friends. Can you not like a person, care for her immensely and still be friends?
The Answer is Yes! If you choose to be that, then no one can stop you. You can stay happy no matter what.

Then there is this other chick. Who wouldn’t leave me alone. Not suggesting I’m as good looking as Orlando Bloom, but really it does get on my nerves. She would be blabbering about how important I am in her life. She often goes around telling people how ‘awesome’ I am. Its absurd.


‘Hold on to whatever you find Baby,
Hold onto whatever will get you through,
Cause I don’t trust myself with loving you.’ – John Mayer

Its quite evident , the way she behaves. She fancies me. I can’t take it. Sadly, I don’t want to be a part of those honey dreams of her’s. Distancing myself away from her, is the only choice I have considering I do not like to decimate someone’s dreams unless required.

Madeline likes someone else, but that does not stop me from spending time with her. However I do not cling onto her for a little introduction into her good books. The fact is I am already a cherished friend to her.  Tina would constantly pester me for a chance to try and enter into my good books. Which certainly doesn’t get her any where.


Tina could do with just a small piece of advice. I might mean a lot to her, but then she should hold on to whoever feels for her, whoever she can find, whoever will get her through her issues but I don’t trust myself with loving her.



‘I need peace’ she said.

‘I need to stay inside a closed room’ I replied

‘No you don’t’

We both smile.

And this keeps me happy.

About the author

Ishaan Sengupta

Ishaan Sengupta believes meeting people and understanding their differences gives him kick and a good trip. Hailing from the city of joy, he carries along with him the bong culture of "living and breathing" music, food and art. The socially awkward correspondent in team, he's currently pursuing a Bachelor with Honors in Economics from Motilal Nehru College. His favorite cartoon shows are Teletubbies and Dragon Ball Z. Do drop him a mail at [email protected] in case you want to give him some free advice or want to meet him personally.

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